HRE King Patrick of Pacardia - HKE Koning Patrik fon Pakardiën

Modern pacard

Full Name
Patrick John-Luke Hewlett Pacard
July 13, 1940 (age 75) in Kingston, Jamaica
April 20, 1959 - present
Heir Apparent
Prince Daniel
House of Pacard
Pacardi Swedpalace, Jamsterdam

Patrick John-Luke Hewlett Pacard, reigning under the title HRE (His Royal Epicness) King Patrick and sometimes known as Epic Pacard, is the current Monarch Regnant of the Kingdom and Republic of Pacardia. He is the country's 13th Monarch Regnant and 9th King Regnant.

King Patrick is notorious for his love of cannabis consumption, the SSV Enterhighz, and being the 5th Man on the Jamaican Bobsled Team. Residing in the royal Pacardi Swedpalace in Jamsterdam, he is fluent in most languages of Pacardia. In Chathan, his title is HKE (Hems Koninglik Episckhejd).

Early LifeEdit

King Patrick was born in Kingston, Jamaica on the 13th of July, 1940. His parents, Alfred and Gladys just so happened to be on epic vacation in the final days of Gladys' pregnancy.

The doctor, Alfred, cut off the umbilical cord and attached Gladys' side of it to a vaporizer filled with cannabis. The then Grand Prince of New Drenthe, Patrick was given his side of the umbilical cord back to take a vaporizer hit as initiation into the Rastafarian faith.


On August 29, 1958, King Alfred announced that he would step down early, leaving then Prince Patrick to take the throne. By Pacardian law, the transition of monarchs was made on the 20th of April in 1959, when Patrick was at the age of 18. He doesn't plan to step down anytime soon, but next in line is his son, Daniel.

High Pacard

official portrait of King Patrick, circa 1987

USS EnterhighzEdit

In September of 1987, Pacard requested Intropicator Enterprises to help him build an epic spacecraft. He called it the USS Enterhighz. To this day, he regularly throws epic parties on it as it soars through space.

Outside Enterhighz

an exterior view of the USS Enterhighz


Pacard upon sparking a J aboard the Enterhighz


Patrick is a member of Jamaica's national bobsled team, first debuting at the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary. They then returned to the 1992 and 1994 games in Albertville and Lillehammer, respectively.

The Jamaican bobsled team failed to qualify for the 2010 Olympics in Vancouver. Patrick stated that it was a "disappointment of truly epic proportions", hoping to have toked massive amounts of flame ass BC bud there.

On February 12, 2010, following the death of Nodar Kumaritashvili, Pacard saw the fact that he had Kumar in his name as reason enough to make it to Vancouver. He plans to bobsled alongside Edwin van Calker and Sybren Jansma in the Dutch team. It is known that the three already had a variety show toke session, consisting of British Columbian, Dutch, and Pacardi cannabis.

Drug UsageEdit

Pacard coke

King Patrick snorting cocaine on his birthday

King Patrick has a rockstar status and as such is subject to the use of a range of substances.

Softer drugs he uses include cannabis (marijuana and hashish), which is every single day. He also trips on LSD and psilocybin mushrooms now and then.

Patrick Pacard frequently drinks alcohol, his favorite type of which is wine. He enjoys cigarettes as well, his favorite being Newports.

Opium is a harder drug that he sometimes partakes in, but the one that he has an insatiable love for is cocaine.



father Alfred Pacard

mother Gladys Pacard (née Barrow)


1st wife Sheila Falcon (1966–1990)

2nd wife Gwendolyn Neuss (2000–2003)


brother Trevor Pacard (Archduke of New Drenthe)

brother Geoffrey Pacard (Archduke of Chatham)


son Daniel Freedom Fitzpatrick Pacard (Grand Prince of New Drenthe)

daughter Sophie Alexandra Falcon Pacard (Grand Princess of New Drenthe)

daughter Wendy Neuss Pacard (Grand Princess of Chatham)


grandson Jefferson (Prince of New Drenthe)

granddaughter Therese (Princess of New Drenthe)

4/20/10 AddressEdit

King Patrick delivered a 4/20 address to the nation on the morning of April 20, 2010.

Citizens of the Kingdom of Pacardia, the first April 20th of the decade has come upon us. On this day, we shall, to the fullest extent, partake in the enjoyment of the cannabis plant. We also recognize the numerous wonders of this gift that Jah has bestowed upon us. Whether you’re smoking, vaping, or eating edibles, indulge in the effects of the tetrahydrocannabinol. All coffeeshops today have extra low prices on the flamest bud. This is prime opportunity to hit on a variety of strains. Speaking of prime, on this day we shall commemorate former Prime Minister and dedicated cannabis activist, the late Jack Herer. Each bong and bowl we pack, every blunt and joint we roll, goes out to this outstanding individual. I wish you all sky high times on an epic tropical 4/20, and remember, it’s not about how much weed you consume, but how high you get.

7/4/10 AddressEdit

On this day, the Fourth of July, the United States of America commemorates its Independence Day from the once oppressive Kingdom of Great Britain. America and Pacardia are quite similar in their formations, as the former was founded on “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness”. These very principles are ones we as Pacardians cherish just as dearly. However, over time, more contemporary American leaders have caused the current land to fall somewhat short of its original “unalienable rights”, while Pacardia has more fully retained its status as a beacon of freedom and prosperity. Fortunately, California's Proposition 19 awaiting a statewide vote this November is a healthy sign that American's haven't forgotten the gift their Founding Fathers have left them. Let this day be one to recognize the liberties rightfully entitled to all Americans, Pacardians, and citizens of the Earth.


King Patrick is the first ever Pacardi monarch born outside of Pacardia, in Kingston, Jamaica.

King Patrick has quintuple citizenship: Pacardian, Jamaican, American, British, and Dutch.

King Patrick was the youngest ever monarch, taking the throne at 18.

King Patrick introduced Palace Bitches to the Pacardi Swedpalace in 1964.

King Patrick sometimes goes by "Cool Runnings", especially when fucking Palace Bitches.

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